As I walk into the local shops I am hit with all the Mother's Day gifts and cards being promoted ready for the big day and my heart sinks. Anxiety instantly creeps up. I can't breath and I have to avert my eyes.
Why? I am a mum, I should be excited and writing a list of everything I want.
Instead I think of my own dear mum who won't be with us for the first time this Mother's Day and my heart breaks. It still hurts to breath when I think of her. I still wake in tears often wishing she was here.
I push it all back down into that little box of things I am trying to ignore and tell myself I am a mum too, I need to get pumped up for MY Mother's Day and think of my own children and remember that I too deserve this special day.
It is going to be hard, and I will think of mum all day, like I do everyday, but I MUST learn to celebrate and make the most of what I have in my life now.
I will miss her dearly forever. But know that my boys miss their mum too, and need me to be in the present.