I'm a mum. I don't get to fall apart....


I think one of the hardest things, (yet in my case one of the best things at the moment), about being a mum is that we don't have the luxury of moping around and falling apart.

You have to get in and do the same thing whether or not the world around you is changing at full speed.  Kids don't always care and they still need mum to stay on track and do the motherly duties to keep the home running smoothly.

I think that fact has been good for me this week when all I really wanted to do was give into the emotions and fall apart.  The thought that my children needed me and needed me to be strong is what keeps me going and stops me giving into the pain.

I don't have the luxury of distancing myself and pulling away.  I HAVE to stay focused and protect them as well.

At times it sh$ts me because I feel other people pulling away and I hate that I don't have that option.  But then I give myself a good slap and remember I wouldn't want it any other way and when it all boils down I am lucky to have my precious boys and the life that we live.

They are my number ONE priority and everything else has to come second to them whether other people like it or not.

Mr 3 has been dragged around to various meetings and appointments over the past couple of weeks while I have been helping dad arrange a permanent place for mum in a nursing home and I realised today, as he started getting emotional about little things, that it really was all too much for him.

I haven't been protecting him like I should.   Little people shouldn't have to hear grown ups talk about advanced life options.  Shit, big people shouldn't have to talk about it either!

I have let him down this week and I feel dreadful for that.  But I could never have left dad to deal with it all on his own. Sometimes I guess you need to change those priorities. Not always for the best.



Have you ever felt like you dropped the ball and let your priorities slip? How do you maintain a good balance of kids and family?


Comments

Jane said…
I totally understand where you are coming from.
My mother fell ill - diagnosed with bowel cancer (and in the final stages) on New Year's Day this year. She died on March 9th, so barely 2 mths after her diagnosis. I have a 3 year old son and a 5 year old daughter. I was Mum's primary (and only) support while she was in hospital, initially for about 21 days, and then for the 3 weeks leading up to her death.
Mum needed to see her grandchildren. They needed school holidays to run and play. I needed to be everything for everyone. Despite feeling like I was the tug of war toy, I needed to give Mum what she needed. She was after all only going to be here for what we thought would be a short time after the diagnosis. But I still had to care for my family. I very much felt like I dropped the ball with everyone - not really doing anything well and struggling to keep it together. Love your parents while you can. You haven't dropped the ball - you have allowed your son to see some of the 'real life' decisions that as adults, we have to make.