Bedtime tears and tantrums...

....and let's not even mention the kids!

I think it must be coming up to that dreaded time of the month, I am usually good with emotions, but the last 3x nights my head hits the pillow and the tears begin to flow.......  I hate that, I end up with a headache and feeling totally BLAH!

Thursday night I climbed into bed and cried for my mum, the mum I remember and crave to have again. The one person I could moan to about anything, ring in the middle of the night when I was worried about my child, or just chat to when I was bored and lonely.  I wish I could have that woman back. I hate dementia!

Friday night I climbed into bed and cried because lately I feel like there is a wedge in our relationship, I long for a night out to spend some time on just US, but sadly that is not possible these days and I am finding it tough just playing the MUM role all the time with no break insight. I know LOTS of women choose to live this way, but I have always had the back up if needed so we could go and do something if we really wanted to, when that back up is no longer there, it really starts to sting!

........and finally Saturday night.

Saturday night I climbed into bed and cried for my boys. For the fun times they now miss out on with Nan and also Pop as he is Nan's full time carer and rarely gets a chance to spend time alone.  For the family member that chose to distance themselves from us and in doing so the boys miss dearly and don't understand what they have done. For the family that has slipped out of my fingers and I have no idea how to fix.

I hope tonight I have better luck, cause I don't think my pillow can take much more.

Do you ever have weeks when your emotions take over and things just all seem beyond your control?


Angela said…
It must be one of those weeks all round Tracy xxx I am so sorry that your family has to live with dementia ... that is heartbreaking.